1. Do you really think that $12/hr is going to motivate me to go to work at 5 am?
2. Do you really think that I'm going to take a class by someone who has no prior athletic background or experience? Especially when there has been a lot of lawsuits and controversy on whether or not the format of the class is actually beneficial to the body?
3. Also, if you don't use the free class perk, then how??? dare??? you??? Why do you even work here? What do you mean you "need a job"?
4. Remember those 90s high school movies, where 3 mean girls wearing leopard tank tops would be really cruel and over-the-top nasty? Ever say to yourself "No one could be that mean in real life and get away with it!". WELL WELL WELL, SoulCycle is here to prove you wrong! Sign up to work at SoulCycle and then sign up for therapy the next day! It's a package deal, folks!
5. Hello, Bravo? Andy Cohen? Yeah, I have a show idea called Real Housewives of SoulCycle. It's about really cliquish and catty women that make me want to die! You're going to love it.
6. Do you or a loved one enjoy talking bad about women from five feet away? Boy, do I have a place of work that you're going to love! PSA ladies, just because I'm at front desk and you're 3 feet away in an office doesn't mean that there's a mars-shaped sound barrier blocking me from hearing you talk about whatever "dumb" thing I did that day.
7. If you live in a 30 mi radius of the studio I work at and love to bring women down for no general reason, please put "I hate other women" on a piece of paper and turn it into my manager as your resume! You'll be hired shortly.
8. Do you love to yell random words and phrases at various moments throughout the day and call that your "personality"? Look no further, this is the job for you! Everyone will laugh because you're being loud - what you're actually saying doesn't even matter! Everyone knows LOUD = FUNNY, DUH!
9. Want premature deafness? Send in your resume today!
10. If you think I'm not talking about your SoulCycle studio, chances are it's exactly the studio I'm talking about. These problems are extremely widespread, as the other reviews suggest.