Expecting a Difficult Conversation? It Will Be Easier If You Do This

Being in HR is occasionally challenging. Sometimes people think they deserve a raise when no one else agrees with them. Others seem to be surprised when you tell them that shouting profanities at customers or showing up several hours late actually is grounds for termination. And still others need to be told that no amount of standing outside your house with a bouquet of supermarket flowers is going to make you want to date them.  (Long story, and exactly as enjoyable as it sounds like it was.)  By virtue of choosing a career in HR, you have guaranteed that you will periodically endure more than your fair share of challenging, difficult and grueling conversations. You’re probably never going to emerge from a difficult conversation saying, “Golly, that was awesome – can’t wait to do another!”  But there are ways to make them less painful. Here are a few: Frame The Conversation As An Effort to Help When you’re going to talk to someone about something they’re doing wrong, there are basically two ways to do it. You can frame the conversation as a reprimand for failing to meet expectations, or you can frame it as an opportunity to improve at whatever the deficiency is. One of those approaches has the potential to turn into a constructive back-and-forth, while the other will almost certainly devolve into an endless game of attack and defend. If you’ve got a few hours to kill and don’t feel like being happy, choose the negative approach! Don’t Apologize For Anyone Else’s Mistakes Most of us have a tendency to apologize for bringing up a delicate or difficult topic.  However, that initial apology often makes the issue at hand seem less important than it really is. As best as possible, avoid saying you’re sorry for discussing something you felt compelled to bring up. Do It Sooner Than Later I fly a decent amount, and every so often I look out the window of the plane and think, “If I had a parachute on me right now, I’d totally jump.”  But I’ve never gone skydiving because the idea of preparing for it has always stopped me – there’s too much time during all those safety lessons for me to realize how dumb it is to willingly jump out of a perfectly functional airplane. The point I’m trying to make (other than highlighting my own cowardice) is that the less time you spend thinking about a conversation you know you have to have, the easier that conversation will be.  That’s not to say it’s going to be a cakewalk, but stewing over it for hours or days on end is only going to make things even more difficult. Find Someone Nice To Talk To Immediately Afterwards Difficult conversations can be very draining, and sitting in your office to deal with it alone might not be enough.  However, since it’s probably against company policy to skip out at 11 a.m. to drown your frustrations at a nearby bar, consider stopping in to a colleague’s office to unload a little.  Simply being able to talk it out will be enormously helpful, and the person you choose to talk to might have a few good suggestions about how to make this whole thing easier on you the next time you have to power through a difficult conversation. Again, difficult conversations will always be difficult, but they don’t have to be crippling.  Now if you’ll excuse me, I have to go tell someone that they smell bad.  Not quite sure how they don’t know it themselves, but I’m thinking that maybe walking into their office wearing a gas mask might at least give them a hint about why I’m there. Embrace Feedback No one loves difficult conversations, but the more you embrace transparency and take feedback as an opportunity to change for the better, the more value you get out of the situation.